Start of Week 10

As of late I have been angry all the time. Angry at my DH, DD, my mother, my sister, everyone. And everything. Everything makes me pissy. Work, driving, quilting. I am tired of not eating, tired of being hungry a lot, tired of eating the same thing again and again. I am so ready for real food. I still have a few weeks left and had thought of extending a couple of weeks to get through Christmas and New Years since my last day before transition is the week of Christmas. But I am about ready to throw the towel and say forget it. My DH keeps saying but look at the results! 29 lbs in 9 weeks. Which is fantastic. So why am I so angry all the time?!?

End of Week 7

So only lost 2 pounds this week. *sigh* Thought I did pretty well this week. I worked out more, had less/no snacks. But I twisted my knee on Monday so my walking has been limited and I haven't been doing the stairs daily either.

But my total loss is 24 pounds. So am happy with that. I didn't think I was too broken up about only 2 lbs, but I came home and got kinda depressed.

We talked today about emotional eating. I am an emotional eater. Not like I didn't know that already, but kind of a shock to have it placed right in your face. I eat when I am stressed, bored and depressed. At least I don't eat when I am angry, lol.

I am having a hard time thinking of this as a lifetime change. Part of me still thinks of this as 19 weeks to lose some weight and then life "returns to normal." But I so don't want to be this big again. So it is hard to reconcile these two warring thought processes in my head.

Week 6 day 6

Having a hard time keeping from snacking. Ever since return from vacation it just seems like my will power has deserted me. DH bought a bunch of healthy snacks - fruit, whole grain crackers, fiber-ful cereals, etc. and it seems I can't seem to stay away from them. The candy that DD got from Halloween is untouched and undesired. But the crackers are killing me! And the peanut butter. DD is very much in the PB&J sandwiches these days and I find myself dipping a knife tip into the PB and eating it. And the crackers are not a ton, but 2 or 3 at a time 2 or 3 times a day adds up. It is like STOP already!

So my goals today were to not snack and to workout 30 minutes. I did the workout, but did have 2 crackers and 3 celery sticks. Not counting the celery, but the crackers.... why oh why can't I seem to stop?! ARGH!

Week 5/6 Recap

So for most of week 5 and into week 6, we went on vacation to visit my DH's family in VA. It was a great time and I did really well with the plan the first part of the week. Then Wed, we went to see DH's grandparents. They are real southern folk with that feed everyone everything in sight mentality. I did avoid some of that because I hid behind DD at the dinner table and focused on making sure she ate and sat still. But I did eat more that meal than to date, which still wasn't much - about 2 oz of ham, couple of bites of mac & cheese, fruit salad and a couple of yummy bites of cake. But my tummy disagreed with me later that night...

Then Thursday, we had sibling day with my DH and his bro & sis. We went to a Shakespeare play, shopping, quilt store shopping (while the boys went to a movie) and then we went to this very fancy restaurant that sis made reservations for. I didn't order anything but a side of veggies (collard greens, rugela, etc) but I tasted everything else. I so paid for it the next day. I felt awful and spent most of the afternoon and evening in bed or on the couch. You would have thought I had learned my lesson the day before. But this was so much worse. I can't believe I ate that much. In comparison, it wasn't much, but my GI system was very very unhappy with me for what little I did eat. This is one of the best motivators to not fall off the wagon ever again. lol

So we finally got home Saturday. What a loooonnng day. Of course I was very hungry by the end of the plane trips. We had a layover in Atlanta for 3 hours. & I hadn't brought a shake mix and couldn't seem to figure out how to get hot water for soup mix. I had already eaten 2 bars and so snacked on some of DD's lunch. We had been up since 3a to catch a 6a flight and my defenses and will power were definitely low. I had some issues later that day, but nothing like the past 2 days. But I felt a bit limited in my options since I couldn't take any liquids with me in the airport/plane because of the TSA regulations of all fluids have to be under 3 oz, including drinks. You can't even bring a bottle of water through security with you. They make you toss it. You can buy drinks after security, just can't bring in stuff from outside. Anyway, made it through the flights. Then my sister picked us up from airport. We all took 2-4 hour naps. Then DD went trick-or-treating with her cousin and we drove the 4 1/2 hours back home. Whew! What a long day - 3a EST to 11p MST....

Sunday was a very nice day. Relaxed and slept in my nice wonderfully soft and big bed. My in-laws had us on a double bed that was like sleeping on boards. I actually had bruises on my hips and ribs. We finally ended up buying a mattress pad during the week and it helped, but not enough. I slept so well Sat night in our wonderful king size bed with pillow top and memory foam. :):)

So got on scale Mon morning. It showed I lost 6 pounds! Holy cow! That brings me up to 21 lbs in 6 weeks. So excited. Hope it stays that way and I continue to lose through weigh-in day on Thursday.

A little trepidations, they are showing the film Food, Inc. at the Life Center tomorrow night. I arranged a sitter but not really sure I want to see this. I have heard it will turn you off food forever and it will make you sick thinking about all the things you have eaten. Not sure if I am ready, but I guess I am going anyway.... Wish me luck!