Day Five

Each day gets easier. But mealtimes seem to be the worst. Mainly because even after the shake, I am still hungry. So can't wait until my stomach shrinks and I stop feeling hungry.

Met with the trainer at the Life Center today. She helped me set up a weight training program and took my measurements. So I mostly have a starting point now. I just need to get some before photos.

One great thing about working with the Optifast center here is that it is through the hospital and is also tied to the hospital's Life Center which has a full gym including pool and trainers. So as an Optifast participant, I get full access to the gym and I can meet with a trainer at any time for free :) Right now, though, I don't have a sitter for my DD until my mom gets back from her vacation, so I am just trying to do things at home. So far I have taken at least a 10 minute and up to 40 minute walks with her every day. I also started a new thing at work. As an accountant, my job is very sedentary. So I was looking for ways to add activity. So... My office is on the third floor and the restrooms are on the far end of the floor, for each floor. So I walk down the hall, down the stairs, and use the restroom and first floor. That way I have to climb back up the 3 flights to go back to work. Also, a couple of times, I take a quick walk around the building before re-walking up the stairs. It makes me feel really good, even though really winded.

Day Four

Today was easier. But my concentration started to die out around 11:30a. & I got so crabby until I left work at 2p. Then I took a 2 hour nap. So nice. Went for a long walk with DD. Put her into the stroller and really booked it. But I got winded so quickly. Wonder if the lack of caloric intake is affecting how early I feel fatigued when working out.... I finally allowed myself 2 bites a day. Today I had a baby carrot and a small strawberry. Hope that doesn't wreck things....

I keep having thoughts that I must be crazy to do this and why the heck did I choose to do this? But like my DH said, I am doing this to get healthy and have another baby. So I have to keep that thought in the forefront of my mind.

I never thought the internet would be such a great support. I love using the net, but I have never been one to blog or read other's blogs. To me, the internet was a research tool and fun and interesting things to find. But the net has been awesome. I found this great site - 3 fat chicks on a diet at www.3fatchicks.com and it was filled with all kinds of assistance and inspiration. It kept me going when I went through my 11:30a slump.

I also found this site that talked about how to create a well formed outcome and get what you want. So I went through the steps with my DH via IM and it helped immensely. It kept me on track and let me keep going. Here is the article: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/6-steps-handling-food-cravings.html

Day Three

Even though today is Sunday, I had to work, it being 2nd tax season and all. But it turned out to be a good thing. I had nothing to snack at work which is a good thing. So I had my morning shake and then a cup of coffee. But late in the morning, after my second shake, my DH brought my DD and another coffee to me. Which was greatly desired, but did not agree with my tummy at all. Even after my third shake for the day, my tummy was very upset about that second cup. I know better. Even when I am eating normally, 2 cups of coffee in one day really upsets my tummy. So I finally had to give in and eat a piece of bread to settle it down. Did the trick.

Today was easier than any of the other days. I wonder why that is. I was reading some other posts, and a couple of people mentioned that day 3 was the hardest. So far it is just getting easier. I went into this program with the mindset that this is going to be easy, that I can and will do this, and I will succeed. That first day was tougher than I expected. And mid-day of day 2, my DH put me into time out since I was being a grouch. But it is getting easier to handle. The desire to eat is less, the habit of reaching for food at every available moment is decreasing. So I feel like I am making progress. My concentration was also better today. On the afternoon of Day one my concentration was shot. & That evening was awful. I couldn't seem to keep doing any one thing for longer than 10 minutes. I bounced from activity to activity until I finally gave up and went to bed... But today is better. I lasted at work until 2p, but had to come home and take a quick nap. I haven't worked out today as of yet, so I wonder if that has something to do with it... Will try and take a walk sometime this evening.

Day Two

So today was easier than yesterday. I didn't feel so hungry so often. And the day was busy. My husband (DH) and I took our daughter (DD) to her soccer game this morning. Then we came home and he fed her lunch while I went to the gym. Then DD went to naptime and DH and I got to play World of Warcraft. The coffee helped during that time. But around 4p I started to get light headed, irritable and unable to concentrate. But 4:30 was my next shake time, but I went ahead and drank it early anyway. Then we all went for a walk and now I am craving food quite badly.....

I keep trying to think of this like a smoker trying to quit. I personally never smoked, but one of my co-workers did and she used the patch and gum to quit the first time. Then after she relapsed, she quit cold turkey the second time and hasn't gone back since. So I am trying to view this Optifast like it is the patch. I am trying to view it like a way to get rid of my food addiction. It is not like you can just quit eating cold turkey, like one can with smoking, but the Optifast is my patch. I think that it will help me learn to stop craving food all the time, to view food in proper perspective, as something necessary to live, not as an emotional crutch. So I need to find ways to fulfill the cravings that food once did, though poorly. For example, food was my comfort, my friend. My DH works nights and so after my DD goes to bed around 7:30, I am home alone, stuck in the house until I go to bed until 9:30 or 10p. So what did I used to do? I ate. I would cook things, snack on things, eat everything I could think of. That was my comfort. I am still searching for something to alleviate the boredom and the loneliness.....

My other relationship with food is to stress eat. At work (I am a CPA, lots of stress!), when deadlines approached and things got busy and stressful, I would reach for the snacks. I always looked for multiples of something, such as nuts, grapes, trail mix, etc. No one large item would do, it had to be something I could eat repeatedly.

So, now, I am chewing gum. Today I had 3 pieces so far. Yesterday I think I had like 7.... So that is curbing my chewing craving, but not sure what to do to cure the underlying issue of stress, loneliness and boredom....

Day One

Today was my first day on the Optifast Diet. This is an all liquid diet for the first 13 weeks, then a 6 week transition period to reintroduce food. I started this because I desperately want to lose 80 to 100 pounds. I am tired of being the fat one. I am tired of the lack of self-confidence. The feeling that I can't do something because I am too fat. I can't keep up with my 3 year old daughter, I can't even tie my own shoelaces without having to hold my breath. This program promotes that I can lose 20%-25% of my original starting weight in the first 13 weeks. So for me, that would be around 60 pounds. That would be fantastic. The goal would be so close after that! I am so excited to see how I will look and feel after these weeks.

But today is day one. And it has been hard. Harder than I expected. I am supposed to have 5 shakes a day. The desire to chew something, to eat something is quite strong. I left work an hour early just so I could go home and take a nap before my next shake (which I am supposed to drink every 3 hours). Breakfast and the morning when just fine. It was lunch time that killed me. All the gals at work went out to eat and I went home (I work 6a-2p and the gals decided to do lunch at 1p). I know they are all very supportive of my decision. But I keep getting comments like, this must be so hard, I can't believe you are doing this, I couldn't do what you are doing, etc. And I know they are trying to help, but it makes me feel like it is that much harder....

So, after my nap this afternoon, I could have my next shake. And then I went on a 40 minute walk with my daughter. She got tired so we actually ended up walking back to our house and getting the stroller so I could walk some more.... I made her dinner and it was very hard not to nibble or snack. She likes to eat non mixed foods, so she had a hot dog, strawberries, and some pasta with cheese. I confess, I ate a bite of a strawberry and a bite of the pasta. But then I thought, I just cheated on my first day! How sad is that?!

So, after dinner, my daughter went outside to play and I came looking for support. But I didn't find much in the way of support sites or very small support sites for Optifast. So I decided to start my own blog.....

My plan for tonight after I but my daughter to bed is to quilt and maybe work some more from home. I am hoping this will distract me from craving food enough so I don't go hunting in the kitchen for something to eat....